Flashdoom

I thought that I would kick of 2010 with a belated review of 2009. Not because anything particularly interesting happened, but because I am already bored of this new decade.

Now I realise that before my last blog, I hadn’t blogged in a hell of a long time, but I was in fact incredibly busy during that time. My excuses for some of the weeks are:

• I was in Sweden.
• I was busy saving the world from impending doom by landing on the asteroid that was going to hit us and burying a nuclear bomb in it to split it into two just before it hit the Earth.
• I was in France. Searching for members of the French Resistance living in the mountains who don’t realise the war is over.
• I was in France. Selling nuclear secrets to Belarus and Bolivia.

Now, I'm well aware that I haven't written anything for a long time, and I've also given up all hope in Matt changing the design of the site. So I might as well get back to writing this crazy shit, which I am now totally able to do, because I've nearly finished the music coursework I haven't been doing for 3 months.

If you’ve not spent the past few years deprived of your senses or living in an underground bunker, you will probably have noticed the rapid and worrying increase in a phenomenon known as ‘chavs’. Now it seems that rarely a day goes by without there being a story on the news or in the papers involving some form of vicious hate crime committed by someone not much older than nursery age. Yet not all young people fall into the category of chavs.

It’s been ages since I first wrote about what I hate, and I hate so many things I am rapidly running out of anything else to blog about. Luckily, I hate so many things I’m probably a crime against humanity, so I should have enough things to write about for months.

I've not done a blog now for nearly a month - due to mainly revision, a mild inability to be bothered to write anything, and Matt maybe hopefully making the site look nicer sometime vaguely soon - so I thought that I should sit down now that half of my revision is out of the way and write something completely unplanned but nevertheless slightly interesting if you are perhaps partly interested a small amount in Politics.

I'm posting this (draft of a) letter for a couple of reasons. Firstly, the person it's to isn't going to be around any more soon (he's not dying though, or at least, not to the best of my knowledge), and also to knock my Jade Goody blog off the top of the home page so that if a certain Chemistry class comes to use the proksy again, the teacher won't see the Jade Goody thing, read it, and kill me. Although if the teacher reads this he'll probably kill me too. Oh well. And I apologise for the bullet points. I have no idea how to get this to start a new line when I want it to.

 So. Jade Goody. She's finally popped her clogs. She's finally 'bereft of life' (to quote Monty Python), and although I don't take any joy from someone dying, as there is nothing worse than a person dying (except perhaps 2 people dying, or someone who I give a damn about dying), I just can't tell why she's suddenly everyone's favourite 'celebrity'. I really don't like the way she is described in almost every newspaper and news website as 'Big Brother Star...'.

I hate a lot of things. But not in an evil or prejudiced style. I hate Gillian McKeith, which I bring up in everyday conversation with my chemistry teacher. I hate her, and most 'nutritionists' and television 'doctors'. Maybe hate is a bit of a harsh word. Makes me sound a bit like the 'Daily Mail'. (And what would Diana say about that?) I intensely dislike her lack of knowledge about even the most basic aspects of science, Photosynthesis for example.

A Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster Prayer, written by me for Biology homework where we had to learn about Creationism. I forced my (completely sane) views upon the class, and converted many to Pastafarianism.

His Noodlyness' Prayer: